You have tattoos. You want more tattoos. You are going to GET those tattoos. But what Tattoo Type are you? Do you plan and scheme and dream about each square inch of fleshy real estate – maintaining pristine acreage for your inky dreams to be realized by your dream artists? Or do you ink up mostly on a whim ie: “What is it…Wednesday? Time for that martini glass with a brain in it – I think. I’ll decide when I get to the shop”.
Just as there are many types of tattoos (more on that next week when we go to Tattoo School together) there are different types of tattoo fans and/or collectors. So what type are you?
The Exhibitionist
Tabboo Shmaboo – When it comes to getting ink you have NO boundaries. Face, hands, neck – hell you’ll even tattoo your nether regions and probably show it off with pride – and why not? It’s your body and you are inhabiting it on your own terms – huzzah! Sure women and children (and most dudes) may shrink away from you in elevators but I bet you always get a seat to yourself on public transportation!
Celebrity Avatar:
Rick Genest AKA “Zombie Boy” – he has appeared in movies, videos and print ads and has a very interesting back story (and back tat!)
Cautionary Tale:
Michelle “Bombshell” McGee – remember her? Famous for screwing (literally and figuratively) bad-boy biker Jesse James and NOT being Sandra Bullock.
The Memoirist
Many tattoos have a meaning but for YOU your ink is literally a record of your life and journey. You use your body to commemorate loved ones, important events and your personal story. It’s not about the aesthetics – it’s about the symbolism.
Celebrity Avatar
Angelie Jolie – she has an impressive amount of ink but the majority of it has to do specifically with her family. She sports coordinates for the birthplaces of her children and her husband amongst other memoir tattoos.
Cautionary Tale
Think before you get that name tattoo. Really really think. Or get coordinates – no one can “read” them!
The Salty Dog
With all the “new” tattoo styles out there today it’s nice to remember where tattooing began in this country. Mainly down on the docks or at the travelling circus where an old school tattooer could embellish you with sailing ships, screaming eagles, military insignia and ubiquitous pin-up girls. This is your style because there is no school like an old school and luckily for you there are a slew of modern day artists who specialize in old fashioned imagery.
Celebrity Avatar
Lyle Tuttle – Tattoo LEGEND. Too cool to make it brief – look em up!
Cautionary Tale
Harry Styles of “One Direction” boy band fame – If you want to rock an old timey sailor look with some classic flash – maybe skip the scrunchie and girl shorts…and maybe get some hair on that “chest”? Just saying…
The Librarian
Do you want to know a secret? Shhhh you have to promise not to tell a soul because nobody knows…you have a shitload of tattoos! Seriously – you have like a dozen or more tattoos scattered all over your body. Each one is super small – like pea-sized to strawberry sized. You like tattoos but are unwilling (or unable) to commit to more visible ink. Tha’s OK – there is room for everybody on team tattoo!
Celebrity Avatar
Lea Michele – who actually does have around 15 tattoos. It’s never the ones you think…
Cautionary Tale
If you want to have a secret tattoo that no one sees then please oh please wear a LONG t-shrt.
The Collector
Any ol tattoo is NOT for you. Your body is your canvas and you will not entrust it to just anyone. You are slowly working towards a full suit (or close to it) but you carefully select the top artists that you want to work with. Then you wait. And wait. And save your money. And when you finally DO get that treasured appointment you allow the artists full (or close to it) artistic freedom. You are a tattoo curator and your body is the museum.
Celebrity Avatar
Mark Strong is a collector who has been extensively tattooed by Teresa Sharpe (among others) – no shitty ink on this guy!
Cautionary Tale
The poor guy (or gal) – you know who you are – who races out at 18 and covers up every square inch of their bod with random shit before they begin to appreciate the level of artistry that exists out there today. Too late you decide you want to work with top-level artists but the only real estate you have left is your butt or the bottom of your feet. Time to start lasering!
and of course…
The Bad Decision Maker
This category speaks for itself. If you are in this class then maybe you are online right now researching laser options to undue some of those…ah…regrettable decsisons you made in the past. Take heart. Even the worst ink can be covered or lasered . And remember – if you have ink that shows gang affiliation or you got it in prison and you would like it removed you can usually get it done for free.
Celebrity Avatar
Nothing says “I’m a Jack-Ass” like a back tat – of yourself. Way to go Steve-O
Cautionary Tale
Remember – friends don’t let friends get bad ink…
So What Kind of Tattoo Type Are You?
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